Caught in the Internet's Web
William Gaultiere, Ph.D. © 2000

There are multipled millions ofpeople in North America that use the Internet. Most of these people use the Internet for business, banking, communicating with family and friends, getting health information, good entertainment, and so many more helpful things. Other people though are having problems with the Internet. In fact, Gregory Jantz in Christian Counseling Today reported on research that found that 6% of Internet users are addicted to the Internet.

Addicted to the Internet? Yes. For these people their use of the Internet is damaging their lives and their families and yet they can't stop. Additional research has shown that compulsive Internet users show signs of tolerance (needing more and more to get the desired effect) and withdrawal (feel so bad when they go without it that they can't stop) like alcoholics, drug addicts, sex addicts, and others.

Why is it so Easy to Get Caught in the Web?
If you have an addiction or compulsive tendencies then the Internet is made for you. It offers the control, instant gratification, and detachment that addicts crave

* Control: With anonymity comes control. In chat rooms you can reveal as little or as much about yourself as you choose. And you don't even have to be yourself! You can recreate your online identity anytime. Or just go away by hitting the delete key or setting up a new e-mail address. Ironically, like all addicts, Internet addicts are out of control and can't stop their compulsive behavior without help.

* Instant Gratification: The graphics and interactivity of the Internet can be a powerful stimulant. And it's always on - right there in the privacy of your home. If you're drawn to pornography, meeting someone exciting, gambling, auctioning, gaming, stock trading, shopping, or web surfing then you can have as much as you want right now. Of course, the good feelings don't last; the inner pain and emptiness return. And so you have to go back again and again for more and more for a quick fix.

* Detachment: People who are lonely or insecure in real life meet strangers online and quickly pour out personal feelings, dark secrets, and passionate desires. This is exciting and it feels intimate. But the excitement wears off and relying on faceless people for love and caring breaks down and leaves the Internet addict disappointed and hurting.

What Problems are People Having with the Internet?
I've encountered many people who are having problems with the Internet or are in relationship with someone who is.

For some people their access to the Internet opens the door to a new compulsion:

* A married woman, faithful to her husband for the eight years of their marriage, found herself engaging in sexual conversation with a man she's never met via e-mail.
* A novice investor started using the Internet to buy and sell stocks until he lost most of his life savings.
* Two teenagers met online, flirted and chatted every day for two weeks, and then started living together.
* A wife got up to get up from bed to get a drink of water and found her husband exchanging pornographic pictures with another woman.

For others, who already have an addiction, the Internet is a more convenient and powerful way to continue using their drug of choice.

* A man who spent hours and hours at the casino every week to forget about his problems started gambling online every day.
* A woman who would come home from the local shopping mall with bags of clothes and household items most every day found that she could shop around the world from her home computer - adding to her debt and he clutter.
* A man who regularly replenished his stash of pornography from the local liquor store started spending hours every day on porn web sites.
* A pedophile who used child pornography for years started going online, not only to child porn sites, but also to children's chat rooms where he could pretend to be a child himself, chat with other kids, and then engage them in sexual conversation.

Are You or Someone You Love an Internet Addict?
Here's a self-test to help you determine if Internet use is a compulsive behavior problem for you or someone you love: "Are You Caught in the Internet's Web?"

Recovery Steps for Internet Addicts
If you or someone you care about is spending too much time online or using the Internet in harmful ways what can you do to get free?

1. Admit you have a problem. If you're not sure you do then keep a log of how much time you're spending online and what you're doing with that time. Then ask for other people's assessment.

2. Pray. All things are possible with God. You need His help and healing.

3. Get accountable. Talk to someone you trust and respect or a support group about your behavior on an ongoing basis.

4. Restrict your Internet access. Move the computer into a public area. Or install a web filter that restricts your activity. Or have someone else put a lock or password on your computer so that you can't use it alone. Or just cancel your Internet access - you can live without it.

5. Get support. Share your feelings with your trusted friend, support group, sponsor, pastor, or counselor. Learn to receive support from people rather than escaping from pain and problems and into the Internet.

6. Help others. Addicts who are in recovery and hurting people who have found some healing maintain their changes and keep growing by helping others.

Resources

1. http://www.NewHopeNow.org. Live crisis counseling from New Hope volunteers at the Crystal Cathedral, helpful articles, and referrals.
2. http://www.InternetAddiction.com. Internet-A-Aholics Anonymous offers free online help and support groups.
3. http://www.NetAddiction.com. The Center for On-line Addiction features information on Cyber sexual Addiction, Cyber-relationship Addiction, Net Compulsions, and Information Overload.
4. Caught in the Net: How to Recognize the Signs of Internet Addiction and A Winning Strategy for Recovery, Dr. Kimberly Young, John Wiley & Sons, 1998.
5. Virtual Addiction: Help for Netheads, Cyberfreaks, and Those who Love Them, David Greenfield, New Harbinger Publications, 1999.