Ask
Dr. Bill
How
Can I Feel God's Love?
By Dr. Bill Gaultiere
Question:
Some people say they "feel" God with them. I have trouble
feeling his love. Is he really there? How can I know that
he loves me?
Answer:
You are not alone. Even some of our biblical heroes like
David struggled at times to feel God's love. In Psalm
13:1 he cried out, "How long, O Lord? Will you forget
me forever? How long will you hide your face from me?"
When you're feeling distant from God have you ever cried
a prayer like this? I have and I can tell you that it
helps me feel connected to God.
I
often hear from people who are Christians, but are struggling
to feel God's love for them. Their prayers seem to have
bounced off the ceiling unanswered. Their cries for God's
healing touch echoed down hospital corridors, apparently
unheard in the heavens. Emptiness had overwhelmed their
hearts and left a Godless void inside. Doubt had driven
out faith. Together we cried out for God until we found
him. If you're going through times like these you may
feel like giving up on God, but don't. He hasn't given
up on you.
Like
the father in Jesus' parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke
15:11-32), God never stops loving us. Insulted and rejected
by his son, who left home and wasted his inheritance money
in wild living, Father still loved his son. In fact, he
missed him so terribly that day after day for months he
looked to see if his son was coming home yet. When finally
he saw Prodigal way off in the distance he didn't wait
for his son to get to him. He ran out to greet him - huffing,
puffing, sweating, robe flying open and exposing his undergarments,
he ran and ran as fast as he could - unconcerned that
the town gawked at a man of distinction making a spectacle
of himself. Then he embraced his dirty, disheveled, and
swine-smelling son to his heart and kissed him again and
again. He gave his son gifts of grace: a robe to cover
his tattered clothes so he could lift his head high, sandals
to welcome him home as a son and not a slave, his signet
ring to give him a second chance to manage the family
property, and a great party to honor him in the community.
This is our Heavenly Father. He takes initiative to show
his love. He is generous, overwhelming us with his love
and his gifts of grace that we didn't earn.
This
picture of your Father God loving you may seem too good
to be true for you. Perhaps your father didn't take initiative
to get to know you and share his love with you. Maybe
hugs and kind gestures have been few and far between for
you. It is hard to trust in the love of God whom you have
not seen or touched if people whom you have seen and touched
have shown you little love. So what can you do? How can
you begin to experience the healing, life changing love
of God that you long for?
I'd
like to offer you some powerful possibilities for helping
you to feel more of God's love for you. Consider the faith-building
steps below and focus on the steps that you most need
to take:
1. Confess your shortcomings. None of us are perfect.
When we hurt other people we need to say we're sorry to
restore relationship with them. It's the same with God.
Our behavior affects our relationship with Him. It's a
good idea to daily take a moral inventory in order to
say you're sorry for your shortcomings and then to turn
to God. Do this and you will feel more of God's love.
2.
Believe that you are lovable. Your problem with God may
be a self-esteem problem. Some people feel bad about themselves
because of something they did. Others feel bad because
of something that was done to them. Either way, don't
let yourself feel bad about yourself. Work at receiving
forgiveness for your failings and giving forgiveness to
those who have hurt you. Don't give in to shame, embarrassment,
and negative self-talk. If you do you'll feel like hiding
and will tend to shut out God and others who care about
you. Instead, dare to believe that you are lovable and
worthwhile and that your emotional needs are important.
Then look for loving, gracious people and receive their
care as a gift from God. Additionally, try reading and
praying over positive Scriptures that focus on God's love
for you. (See "God's Love for Christmas.")
3.
Let go of anger. Your problem feeling close to God may
be tied to an anger problem. Angry people are lonely people.
You may have valid reasons to be angry, but don't stay
angry or you'll just hurt yourself. Anger and negativity
push people away, even the caring people whom we need.
You can't stay angry at someone and feel their love for
you at the same time. If you're angry at God then do what
Job did. His children died, his business failed, and he
was afflicted with painful boils. On top of this his friends
judged him, telling him that he was suffering because
he sinned. Job knew he didn't deserve this pain. He was
angry at God about what had happened to him and all the
pain he was in and he told him so. He was angry at his
friends for criticizing him and he told them how he felt
too. Because Job talked through his feelings and let go
of his anger he didn't become bitter, he became better.
In the end he found God's comfort. You can too if you
talk through your anger with God, let go and trust him,
reaching out to him for the love that you need.
4.
Express your feelings. You may be struggling to experience
God's love because you struggle to feel your feelings.
Perhaps you're a person of action and reason and feelings
just get in the way. Or you've experienced so much pain
and disappointment in life that you've shut down your
emotional system. In either case, if you're emotionally
detached you won't feel close to God and his care for
you. To get more in touch with your feelings find friends
who are interested in you and who will ask you, "How are
you feeling?" and then listen to you. Also read the book
of Psalms in the Bible and look for psalms that you identify
with. Then write your own psalms to God, talking to him
just like you would to your best friend. Tell him what's
happened and how you feel about it and then remind yourself
that God cares about you, has given you good things in
the past, and will help you now. (See the Poetry section
on New Hope Online.)
5.
Clear up your image of God. Most people I talk to who
are having trouble feeling God's love have a distorted
image of God. They don't see God for who he is. They're
projecting pain or disappointment from childhood onto
God. They may know in their heads that God is different,
but emotionally they experience him like their critical
father, distant mother, abusive stepfather, or someone
else who hurt them. I find that when these people are
helped to heal from their childhood hurts they are better
able to see God for who he is. Along the way, it's helpful
to immerse your heart and mind in the positive images
of God presented in the Bible. Three of my favorites are
the Loving Father (Luke 15, mentioned above), the Good
Shepherd (Psalm 23 and John 10, see my poem, "Psalm 23
Journey"), and the Nurturing Mother Bird (Psalm 91). When
one of these positive pictures of God gets in your heart
you'll feel different about God, yourself, and your life.
6.
Ask for prayer. To sum it all up, if God seems far away
and inaccessible to you then you need help. You can't
find God on your own. Remember the story of the paralyzed
man who needed Jesus' healing touch? (Mark 2:1-12) Four
men carried him a stretcher to Jesus. Jesus was in a house
ministering to hundreds of people who were crowded inside
and standing outside the windows. The friends of the paralyzed
man were not deterred. The carried him onto the roof,
cut a whole in the roof, and carefully dropped him down
at Jesus' feet. And Jesus healed him. If your faith in
God is paralyzed then ask for prayer from a friend, your
pastor, or a counselor. Call (714) NEW-HOPE and one of
our counselors will pray for you. You can get unstuck!
You can feel God's love for you! Don't give up on God.
Get the help you need, take the steps I've suggested,
and receive what He provides.
