How Can Someone Recover From Being Molested?
William Gaultiere, Ph.D. © 2000

Question: I am very concerned for my 14 year old granddaughter who was molested in school by several boys over a period of two months. Her memories of the incidents frequently are "triggered" and bring with them a flood of anger and pain, often at times when she is not in a safe place. Can you please outline some steps to help her cope with the memories and pain? How can she recover?

Response: I understand your concern for your granddaughter. She is only 14 years old has been severely and repeatedly traumatized and needs comfort and help in order to recover. It's no wonder that she is frequently triggered and flooded with anger. With help from you and others she can get though these tough times. She can heal. She can recover!

The first issue to address for your granddaughter is her safety. Obviously, if possible she needs to avoid any vulnerable situations where she might run into one of the boys who violated her. Furthermore, it is important for her to learn strategies for doing what she can to protect herself in the future. For instance, she might walk with a friend to class or at the store or carry a cell phone. She may benefit from taking a rape prevention class to learn additional strategies for self-protection and to develop stronger boundaries. Feeling more empowered and protected would greatly aid her recovery.

The urgency of a trauma survivor finding a place of safety is illustrated by a call that came into New Hope from an adolescent girl right after she had been raped. She was so distraught, ashamed, and afraid of what her mother would say that she was out of her right mind. She hung up on the New Hope volunteer counselor who was helping her and attempted suicide by cutting her wrists and ankles. Fortunately, she called back and the counselor was able to get her to stop the flow of blood and to calm her down. In the meantime, a trace was completed and the police arrived to take her to the hospital. Once she was in a place of safety she could get the medical, therapeutic, and family support she needed. (See the testimony, "New Hope to the Rescue, on www.NewHopeOnline.org under "About New Hope.")

You mentioned that your granddaughter has visited with a psychologist, but felt that she was not getting enough help for dealing with her anger and with the triggers that overwhelm her. She ought to give this feedback to the psychologist and if things don't improve or she doesn't trust him then she may need to find another therapist. It's important that she connect with a trustworthy and qualified psychologist, medical doctor, or mental health worker so that she can get an understanding of her problem and receive the support and guidance that she needs to recover.

Your granddaughter needs to know what she is dealing with. Whenever any of us have a problem it helps make it more manageable and less stressful to know the problem's name. It sounds like she may be experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which includes the following six diagnostic criteria:

1. Experiencing a catastrophic or traumatic event(s).

2. Intrusive recollection. Memories or images associated with the event are spontaneously "triggered" and evoke panic, terror, fearfulness, grief, or anger. These may come in the form of daytime fantasies, nightmares, or flashbacks.

3. Avoidance or numbing. The person attempts to keep from being triggered by avoiding certain people, places, or things and/or becomes numb, creating an emotional anesthesia to block out the unwanted images and feelings.

4. Increased arousal. Those with PTSC have a fear of being re-traumatized and may have associated feelings of anxiety, panic, hypervigilance, or paranoia.

5. Duration. In chronic PTSD symptoms last at least one month. In delayed onset PTSD symptoms begin after one month.

6. Decreased functioning. Symptoms are significant, causing a decrease in the person's ability to function in relationships and/or at work (school).

You've heard the saying, "time heals." Well, as you've already observed with your granddaughter, it isn't true. PTSD and other psychological problems or injuries require participating in a process of recovery with people you trust over time in order for healing to occur.