Dr.'s Bill & Kristi Gaultiere, (949) 262-3699

Ask Dr. Bill

How Do I Learn To Relax?
Ask Dr. Bill
By William Gaultiere, Ph.D.
Driector of New Hope, Crystal Cathedral

Question:
Hi Dr. Bill. I’ve been under stress for a few years now. I guess a lot of things are adding up. My wife and I haven’t been getting along and I’ve been having problems at work. And then my sister got cancer and is getting chemo. I’ve just been so agitated and worrying all the time. Even as I’m writing it’s like I can feel the tension in my body. I feel jittery and tingly and stiff. And I’m having trouble getting to sleep. I talked to my doctor and one of the things he recommended was that I take some time each day to do a “relaxation exercise.” Can you suggest something I can do along these lines?
Sincerely,
Dave

Answer:
Hi Dave. You're experiencing anxiety. You’ve been internalizing a lot of stress and it’s caught up with you. Typically chronic or severe anxiety is experienced in our bodies.
Learning to set aside your worries and relax your mind and body is important for your health and well-being. To help you get started I have a relaxation exercise to suggest. It combines deep breathing, Scripture meditation, prayer, and progressive muscle relaxation.
It’d be helpful for you to set aside some focused time each day to relax. Your anxiety has been accumulating over time as you’ve been experiencing stress without getting the comfort you need. Reversing this pattern will take some time. It includes
• Stepping away physically and mentally from the stress
• Releasing your anxieties physically and verbally
• Taking into your soul the comfort and care that you need Here’s the relaxation exercise.
Time and Place
Set aside about 15 minutes and go to a quiet place with a comfortable chair. Close the door and turn off any phones that might interrupt you. And sit in a relaxed position, uncrossing your legs and arms.
Prayer
I think you’ll find it helpful to place your palms up, indicating your eager receptivity to God’s Holy Spirit, and then to pray something like, “Dear God, I invite you into this place, into my body, and into my soul. I need your comfort and peace. Help me to sense your presence and your care now.”
Breathing
Now, with your palms still open, let’s focus on your breathing. Usually people who are anxious are breathing shallow. Take in a deep breath, as deep as you can. Hold it for about 7 seconds. Then release for about 15 seconds. Repeat this at least two more times.
Prayer
Now, turn your palms upside down as an expression of releasing your burdens and your worries to God’s care. Pray something along these lines, “Dear God, I want to let go of these things that are troubling me. I want to give each anxiety to you because you care for me.”
Breathing
With your palms still down, take in a deep breath. Hold it 7 seconds. And release for 15 seconds. Repeat this at least two more times.
Meditation
Pick a comforting Bible verse to reflect on (prayerfully reciting it again and again) like Psalm 23:1, “The Lord is my Shepherd I shall not want.” Imagine a smiling shepherd with his staff looking after his sheep.
Progressive Muscle Relaxation
Anxiety gathers in different places in the bodies of people who are stressed. So we’re going to go through some of these places. With each area we’re going to tense that muscle group vigorously for about 7 seconds. Then, abruptly, let those muscles go limp. Jiggle them a little and keep them relaxed for about 15 seconds. As you do this pray to your Good Shepherd.
Clench your fists tightly. Hold it for 7 seconds. Then release for 15 seconds, wiggling out the tensions from your hands and letting them go limp.
Make muscles with both biceps, drawing your forearms near your shoulders. Hold tight for 7 seconds. Then release, jiggle, and go limp for 15 seconds.
Tighten your triceps (opposite the biceps) by extending your arms out straight and locking your elbows. Hold tight for 7 seconds. Then release, jiggle, and go limp for 15 seconds.
Tense up your forehead by raising your eyebrows as far up as you can. Hold them hight for 7 seconds. Then release, gently massage your forehead, and relax for 15 seconds.
Close your eyes tightly shut. Hold them tight for 7 seconds. Then open and relax.
Tight your jaw muscles by opening your mouth as wide as you can. Hold it open for 7 seconds. Then close, move it side to side, and relax for 15 seconds.
Tighten your neck muscles by slowly pulling your head back towards your back (be careful to avoid injury). Hold it for 7 seconds. Then bring your head up, rotate it in a slow circle, and relax for 15 seconds.
Tighten your shoulder muscles by raising them toward your ears. Hold them for 7 seconds. Then bring them down, wiggle, and relax for 15 seconds.
Tighten your shoulder blade muscles by pushing them back and sticking your chest out. Hold them for 7 seconds. Then bring them forward, wiggle, and relax for 15 seconds.
Tighten your chest muscles by taking in a deep breath and tensing your upper torso. Hold it for 7 seconds. Then release and relax for 15 seconds.
Tighten your stomach muscles by sucking in your stomach. Hold it for 7 seconds. Then release and relax for 15 seconds.
Tighten your lower back muscles by arching your back (be careful or omit if you have back troubles so you avoid injury). Hold it for 7 seconds. Then release and relax for 15 seconds.
Tighten your buttocks by pulling them together. Hold for 7 seconds. Then release and relax for 15 seconds.
Tighten your calf muscles by pulling your toes toward you (be careful to avoid cramps). Hold for 7 seconds. Then release and relax for 15 seconds.
Tighten your feet by curling your toes downward. Hold for 7 seconds. Then release and relax for 15 seconds.
If you sense remaining tension in an area of your body then repeat the tense and relax cycle for that muscle group.
Prayer
In closing, offer a prayer of thanks to God for His peace.

Blessings,
Dr. Bill

William Gaultiere, Ph.D. is the Executive Director of the New Hope Crisis Counseling Center and the Moderator for OneCommunity at the Crystal Cathedral. He is also a Clinical Psychologist with a part time private practice in Irvine, California. You can read Dr. Bill’s encouraging self-help articles on www.NewHopeNow.org and www.ChristianSoulCare.com.