Ask
Dr Bill
How do I Overcome Anxiety?
William Gaultiere, Ph.D.
Clinical Psychologist, ChristianSoulCare.com
Question:
I’ve been struggling with anxiety for a few years.
I often feel sick to my stomach, I worry about what people
think, and I’m uncomfortable in social situations.
I’ve been trying to be strong and get through this
without medication. I pray for God’s help, but still
I feel tense. What causes anxiety? What can I do to overcome
this?
Answer:
It sounds like you're trying hard not to feel anxious. This
is probably part of your problem. Let me explain.
You asked what causes anxiety? In a word, denial. Denial
of pain. Denial of feelings - fear, anger, sadness. Denial
of needs and vulnerabilities.
Every anxious person I've talked to sounds like you in that
they’re trying hard to be strong and independent. Often,
they're successful and intelligent people who have many
responsibilities, including caring for other people’s
needs. But it’s not okay for them to be the one who
is needy.
This is why anxious people live with the pressure to do
more and to do better. To look good. To be ideal. And, always,
to be in control - emotionally, at their work, and in their
relationships. They only one they will count on are themselves.
When they feel unwanted feelings - like fear, hurt, or anger
- they deny it because they don’t want to be vulnerable
with someone else. These denied feelings and needs become
anxiety. Anxious feelings stay in the unconscious; they
don’t go away. They fester and grow.
Eventually anxiety goes into the body and may show up as
stomach pain, gastrointestinal stress, headaches, sickness,
or other pains. Anxiety also may manifest in panic attacks,
phobias, compulsive behaviors, or angry outbursts.
You also asked how you can overcome anxiety. There are many
approaches, including specific cognitive-behavior treatment
programs that have been effective with specific anxiety
disorders, like phobias. There are also many practical things
you can do to reduce anxiety. I introduced twenty-six ideas
for dealing with anxiety in my self-help article, "Antidotes
to Anxiety," http://www.christiansoulcare.com/antidotestoanxiety.htm.
The way I help people with anxiety as a psychologist is
based on my philosophy of "Christian Soul Care,"
(see www.ChristianSoulCare.com).
I don't try to fix it. I go with it. I take the approach
that anxiety isn't as much a problem to be solved as it
is a feeling to be felt, a hurt to be soothed, a need to
be met.
So I help people to learn to feel what they're denying and
to bring it into caring relationship with me, others, and
God for support. As Peter said, “Cast your anxiety
on him because he cares for you.” (1 Peter 5:7)
There are a number of reasons why verbalizing feelings to
someone who is caring can be soothing and helpful for people
who are anxious.
