Bible Verses for the Soul: Jesus Set Boundaries in His Helping
William Gaultiere, Ph.D.

I often talk with parents, care-givers, lay leaders, counselors, and ministers who are struggling to be "cheerful givers" (2 Corinthians 9:7).   In they're helping of others they've become tired, stressed, or even burned out.  Often a big part of their problem has to do with their boundaries.  If this is you then you need to learn to set limits to get your own needs met, use boundaries with problem behavior, and expect the people you help to do their part.

But many Christians feel guilty setting boundaries.  It seems selfish or not nice.  The best response I have for this - and any problem for that matter! - is to look at Jesus.  If Jesus set boundaries in his helping then surely it's good for you to learn to do the same.  Jesus shows us that indeed there are two words for love: "yes" and "no."  With practice and coaching and prayer you too can learn to set boundaries!

 

JESUS, IN HIS INCARNATION, HAD LIMITS THAT HE ACCEPTED

Basic Needs

He ate and drank, rested and slept (Matt 4:6-7; 26:18, 20; John 12:2)

Support from Friends

He sought the company of friends (Matt 26:36-38)

Solitude

He withdrew from the crowds to go away on retreat, alone or with friends (see "Jesus' Rhythm of Life" in the gospel of Mark)

Singular Focus (This people, this place, this time)

He left one city to go to another because he couldn't be in two places at the same time (Mark 1:38)

Pace of Life

He was never in a hurry, except to go to Jerusalem and embrace his cross (John 11:6; Mark 10:32)

JESUS SAID NO TO INAPPROPRIATE BEHAVIOR
Demands

He withdrew from the crowds who wanted him for one-on-one time with the Father (Luke 5:15-16)

Abuse

He fought his way through the crowd that was trying to throw him off a cliff for claiming to be the Messiah (Luke 4:28-30)

Entitlement

He didn’t give in to his mother and brothers who tried to use their relationship with him to pull him away from the crowd he was ministering to (Matthew 12:46-50)

Baiting Questions

When the religious leaders asked him baiting questions to make him look foolish he answered with incisive questions of his own (Matthew 21:23-27, 22:15-22)

Cynicism

He said no to Herod’s mocking demand of “Show us a sign that you are the Son of God.” (Luke 23:8-9)

Manipulation

He said no to Peter and the disciples who had an inappropriate agenda for Jesus to a political king or military warrior rather than a sacrificial lamb. (Matthew 16:23)

Pride

He didn’t heal those who were too proud to trust Him (Matthew 13:58).

JESUS SPOKE THE TRUTH IN LOVE TO THOSE WHO WERE STUCK OR WRONG
Exploitation

He used a whip to clear out the temple of the vendors and money changers who were taking advantage of the poor and turning God’s house into a marketplace (Matthew 21:12-17, John 2:12-16)

Addiction

He told the Rich Young Ruler that he couldn’t help him until he gave away the money that was controlling him (Matthew 19:16-21).

Misguided

He rebuked the disciples who tried to keep the little children away from him and told them that they needed to emulate the children’s faith (Matthew 19:13-15).

JESUS HAD EXPECTATIONS FOR PEOPLE IN NEED (as seen in three key questions he asked)
What do you want?

Two blind men called out to him for help from the Jericho road. He asked them, “What do you want me to do for you?” They needed to ask for what they needed and they needed to trust Him. (Matthew 20:29-34)

Do you want to get well?

For 38 years the invalid at the Sheep gate pool hadn’t been able to get into the miracle waters. He felt helpless and sorry for himself. He expected someone to fix his problem. Jesus challenged him, “Do you want to get well?… Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” It was up to him to be motivated and to take responsibility for himself. (John 5:1-14)

Do you believe?

A father sought deliverance for his son who was mute and had seizures and said to Jesus, “If you can do anything, take pity on us and help us.” Jesus put it back on the father, “`If you can’? Everything is possible for him who believes.” The father needed to believe that Jesus could cure his son. (Mark 9:17-27)

JESUS OFFERED GRACE AND TRUTH AS NEEDED (John 8:1-11)
To the humble and broken

To the woman caught in adultery he empahsized grace (“Neither do I condemn you.”) and offered truth as well (“Go and sin no more.”).  Again and again in the gospels we see Jesus offering compassion, help, and healing to struggling and hurting sinners - especially those who were societal outcasts.

To the proud and self-righteous

To the Pharisees trying to condemn this woman and to trap Jesus he empahsized truth.  First he offered grace by listening calmly to them and then confronted their pride and scapegoating (“Let him who is without sin throw the first stone.”).  In many instances in the gospels Jesus gave direct, challenging feedback to these high-nosed religious leaders.