Bible Verses for the Soul: Men, Women, and Abuse

William Gaultiere, Ph.D.

Tragically, some people misunderstand the Bible to think that they should tolerate or even submit to abuse. This is especially a problem for wives and girlfriends with their men. Often this is partially due to a misinterpretation of what the Bible says about husband and wife roles. Other times people mistakenly think that since Jesus was silent when he was scourged and crucified that they should just take it when someone abuses them.

The Bible teaches both men and women to serve others with humility and respect, especially in marriage. At the same time, we are also taught to set boundaries when others sin against us or are abusive to us. 

Consider these teachings from the Bible:

Men and women are both encouraged by Jesus to humble themselves as little children (Matthew 18:2-4).

Those who want to be most important should seek to be least important (Luke 9:48, Mark 9:33-35).

Those who want to be great leaders should seek to serve others as Jesus did (Matthew 20:25-28).

Wives and husbands are to submit to each other, following Jesus’ example of humble service (John 13:12-17, Ephesians 5:21).

For a husband to be the “head” of his wife is for him to follow Jesus’ example of being a servant-leader who did not lord it over us, but sacrificially gave himself for us. Husbands are to love their wives, give themselves up for their wives, care for their wives as they care for their own bodies, just as Christ does for the church. The wife’s role of submitting is in this context. (Mark 10:42-43, Ephesians 5:22-28, 1 Peter 5:1-4).

When we’re angry at a loved one who has mistreated us we’re encouraged to express our anger by speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15, 25-26).

Violent behavior, perverse speech, and injustice are evil (Proverbs 8:13, 13:2, 24:1-2, 28:5).

We are to avoid, shun, and hate evil - abuse is evil (Proverbs 3:7, 8:13, Romans 12:9, 1Thessalonians 5:22).

Like Jesus, we should not submit to evil or let others control us (Matthew 12:15, 16:21-23, John 6:15).

When we are sinned against Jesus encouraged us to confront the person in private. If he doesn’t listen then we’re to bring one or two witnesses along. If he still doesn’t listen we’re to withdraw ourselves from him until he changes. (Matthew 18:15-17)

Withdrawing from someone who continually sins against you is important self-protection and it is the best way to help the one who violated you (1 Corinthians 5:5, Titus 3:10-11).