Spiritual Disciplines for the Soul: Examen of Consciousness
William Gaultiere © 2006
Jesus was continually conscious of God’s presence with him. That may seem like an unnecessary statement since he was God in the flesh. But just as much as he was fully God he was also fully man and as man he was tempted to sin and turn away from the Father’s will, but he didn’t (Hebrews 4:15). Jesus described his continual love relationship with the Father and offered it to us:
The Father has given me all these things to do and say. This is a unique Father-Son operation, coming out of Father and Son intimacies and knowledge. No one knows the Son the way the Father does, nor the Father the way the Son does. But I'm not keeping it to myself; I'm ready to go over it line by line with anyone willing to listen (Matthew 11:27b, MSG).
Jesus maintained intimate knowledge with the Father; he was continually conscious of the Father’s presence, actions, and words and this is what enabled him to live gloriously and minister miraculously (John 8:38, 12:50). He never spoke or acted on his own, but was always in concert with the Father who lived in Jesus and did his work through Jesus (John 14:10). So Jesus was perfectly one with the Father (John 17:20-21); he was full of grace and truth (John 1:14); he had the Spirit without limit (John 3:34). As Thomas Kelly pointed out, “Such practice… of inward worship and listening… is the secret… of the inner life of the Master of Galilee” (A Testament of Devotion, p. 6). And he prayed specifically for you and I that just as the Father was “in” Jesus and Jesus was “in” the Father so also we would be “in” their Father-Son intimacy (John 17:21).
John was Jesus’ closest friend and he lived by the identity of being “the disciple Jesus loved” (John 13:23, 19:26, 20:2, 21:7, 20). He saw up close this Father-Son intimacy and he learned to live in it himself and he also invited us to join in:
Our fellowship is with the Father and with his Son, Jesus Christ… God is light; in him there is no darkness at all… But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another (1 John 1:3b, 5b, 7a, NIV).
John is teaching us that to be in intimate fellowship with Jesus we need to learn to “walk in the light.” Light is truth-revealing and life-giving and so to walk in the light is be known for who we are and to come alive with God’s life. This is the only way that we can encounter God since he is Light. Paul described it this way: “For God, who said, ‘Let light shine out of darkness,’ made his light shine in our hearts to give us the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Christ” (2 Corinthians 4:6, NIV). And Paul encouraged us to examine ourselves for evidence in our lives that we’re vitally connected with God:
Test yourselves to make sure you are solid in the faith. Don't drift along taking everything for granted. Give yourselves regular checkups. You need firsthand evidence, not mere hearsay, that Jesus Christ is in you. Test it out. If you fail the test, do something about it (2 Corinthians 13:5, MSG).
St. Ignatius (1491 - 1556) and the Jesuits who followed him learned to live in the light of God’s presence by testing their faith connection to God with an exercise called the “examen of consciousness.” In his book Sacred Companions David Benner describes the examen as entering into a dialogue with Jesus. At the end of the day (or the morning of the next day) you thank God for the presence of his Spirit with you that day. Then you ask him to help you to see the day with his eyes. Imagine that Jesus and you are watching a film of your life over recent hours, slowly fast-forwarding through the scenes, as you look for examples of when you sensed God’s presence. As the highlight reel of your mind winds forward in a stream of consciousness ask Jesus to hold the remote control and to pause on the scenes that you need to reflect on. At each scene, let Jesus ask you, “Were you aware of my presence with you then?”
Because thanksgiving is the “password” that ushers us into God’s presence (Psalm 100:4, MSG) thank Jesus for being with you at each scene. This will be easy to do for those times that you enjoyed God’s blessings at that time. But often you’ll look back at a situation and realize that although you weren’t conscious of God’s presence at the time you can see upon reflection that God in his grace was at work. When this is the case simply invite him to step into the foreground by appreciating him during your examen as you wish you had done during the event. And in those scenes where you strayed from God’s presence let Jesus ask you, “What distracted you from relying on me?” Then tell Jesus you’re sorry for your unfaithfulness and immediately return into his open arms of grace with no self-condemnation! When it seems as if God was hidden from you in a scene then pray, “God help me to discern where you are” and be still to listen to what he shows you. Of course, even if you don’t feel God’s presence he is with you – he promised, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you” (Hebrews 13:5) – so in faith offer to him a sacrifice of thanksgiving anyway!
When I do an examen of consciousness I simply thank God in prayer or share with a spiritual friend how I’ve experienced God recently. I do this for others too when offering spiritual direction or soul friendship. There are many ways to ask yourself or others a question of examen:
How have you sensed God’s presence? In what ways have you experienced God recently? What has God been saying to you this week? What are you and God working on together in your prayer life? What is an example of God overflowing from your soul to others recently? What did God show you in the spiritual discipline your practiced?
