Spiritual Disciplines for the Soul: Facilitating Spiritual Conversation

(Part of the curriculum for the "Christ's Ambassadors Spiritual Formation Group"

intended to teach those receiving spiritual guidance the basics of sharing it with others.)

William Gaultiere, Ph.D. © 2006

If when you’re talking with a friend and each of you intentionally welcome God’s presence then the conversation of two becomes a conversation of three and talk becomes prayer. In such a conversation you may not pray together formally, but you probably will and perhaps more than once. But in any case as you’re talking you’ll be silently prayerful in that you’ll pay attention to the fact that Jesus is present with you, you’ll desire this and listen for his guidance, and you’ll sense the burning of his Spirit within your hearts, as was the case for the two disciples as they walked the Emmaus Road (Luke 24:13-32). That’s a spiritual conversation.

Spiritual conversation starts with good conversation – soul talk – in which the one sharing is honest, vulnerable from the heart, and authentic about real life needs and struggles and the one listening is warm, empathic, asks pertinent questions, and offers genuine compassion without judgment, advice to fix things, or reassurance to make things feel better. God is always present and certainly shows us this in powerful ways in such heart-to-heart conversations. “The heart is the wellspring of life” according the to Proverbs 4:23 and we grow in our aliveness as we share deeply and honestly from our hearts with one another.

My observation is that most people today don’t have a true soul friend. Many rarely if ever share their hearts with anyone. Fewer still know how to engage in a spiritual conversation. The distinction in a spiritual conversation is that the one sharing talks to a friend and to God and the one caring listens to the friend and to God. And the goal of this type of conversation is understood as helping the one sharing to draw closer to God and his purposes. In other words, the focus of a spiritual conversation is our experience of God. We’re not just sharing our feelings, struggles, or hopes about what’s going on in our lives – we’re talking about how things are going in our relationship with God.

Facilitating a spiritual conversation is a skill set that can be learned and developed. The basic idea is to apply good listening skills and compassion to someone’s relationship with God. The best way to grow in the capacity to offer spiritual friendship is to practice it with someone who also desires this kind of relationship. Then the two of you can take turns being the “Sacred Companion” who listens and responds to and then prays for a fellow “Pilgrim.” Taking turns forces you when you’re listening to stay focused on the one sharing and what God is doing in that person’s life and as the conversation progresses to seek to go more deeply into the Pilgrim’s (your friend’s) soul and experience of God.

Here’s a 30 minute practice exercise that breaks down the basic components of having a spiritual conversation using the “A-B-C’s of Soul Care.” The idea is for you to practice this with a friend. Ideally, it’d be best to do this in person, but you could also do this over the phone, Instant Messenger, e-mail, or letters. Keep in mind that you’re not serving as a counselor, as important as a role as that is! In counseling the focus is to comfort someone who is hurting or to help him or her overcome a struggle and if we pray for the person it’s usually an expression of helping in that way. But in spiritual friendship (also in spiritual direction) the purpose of the conversation is to facilitate growing intimacy with God – to be more conscious of God’s presence, to discern what God is saying, and to express love for him and others.

In Spiritual conversation the Sacred Companion serves as “Christ’s Ambassador” (2 Corinthians 5:20) – a bridge or facilitator to connect the Pilgrim to God who is actually present in Spirit and offering his love, truth, and power (in that order because that’s the only way it’s safe for us and that we’re able to make use of his resources!). Also, notice that the Pilgrim has a role with steps to take if he or she is going to connect with and make good use of God’s grace in the midst of whatever is going on in his or her life and relationship with God.

The table and instructions below, “Sacred Companion Conversation,” summarizes how spiritual friends can offer spiritual hospitality to help one another to grow closer to God in a particular conversation. The instructions below guide the Sacred Companion through the process with specific steps.

Sacred Companion Conversation

God’s Role	Sacred Companion’s Role       Skill                         Purpose                 Question				Pilgrim’s Role
Love	Active Listening	Salt: make thirsty for God’s presence “You are the salt of the earth”	“When have you sensed God’s presence?”	Trust God’s care
Truth	Brainstorm Action	Light: illuminate God’s Word “You are the light of the world”	“What do think God is leading you to do?”	Believe God’s Word
Power	Close with Prayer	Keys: open doors to God’s way “I will give you the keys of the kingdom”	“How can we pray for your relationship with God?”	Act with the God of grace

Instructions for Sacred Companions:

Pair off and take turns being a Sacred Companion for one another on your journey with God as Pilgrims.  Allow 15 minutes for each of you to practice being a Sacred Companion for a Pilgrim by offering the gifts of spiritual hospitality and prayer.

Active Listening.  Invite the Pilgrim to share on his/her relationship with God by asking a salty question like, “When have you sensed God’s presence recently?”  (Other alternatives include: “How are things going in your relationship with God?”  What is on your heart that you want to share with the Lord today?”  “What is God speaking to your heart?”  “What has God been doing in your life?”  “How have you been experiencing God lately?”  “How is your prayer life going?”  “What are you and God working on together?”  "How has your life demonstrated your love for God recently?") 

If the Pilgrim is hurting or struggling then it’s important that initially you focus your listening on that, inviting him or her to share with you and the Lord by asking a question like “What do you need God’s help with today?” or simply, “How are you?”  After some empathic exchanges you can ask the other, more explicitly salty questions that directly promote intimacy with the Lord.  Then as you listen help the Pilgrim to notice examples of God’s care and action in his or her life by asking inviting open questions, reflecting feelings, and summarizing spiritual experiences. 

Brainstorm an Action Step.  After you have a shared understanding transition the Pilgrim into considering an action step by asking an illuminating/guiding question like, “What do you think God is leading you to do?”  (Alternatives: “What is God teaching you about improving your relationship with him?”  “What has God said to you from his Word that you want to work on?”  “What would you like to do to grow closer to God this week?”) 

Persist with asking gentle, probing questions aimed at helping the Pilgrim think about what he or she needs to work on with God. 

Close with Prayer.  Help the Pilgrim pick up the Keys to the Kingdom by offering to pray for his or her relationship with God along the lines of what has been shared.  If the Pilgrim’s prayer request is unclear then ask something like, “How can we pray for your relationship with God?”  (Alternatives: “How can I pray for your spiritual growth?”  “What would you like us to ask God to do in your life?”) 

Pray in faith, calling upon God’s grace and power on behalf of the Pilgrim’s specific request(s).